the collected writings of my teenage years

so i wrote a lot when i was a teenager.
it was usually through angst, but also through the general perceptions of a pre-depressed mind.
looking back, some things aren't so bad.  most of them are.  but i'm sharing them anyways, because i've had a hell of a time trying to write without my sadness, and this will maybe remind me that it is possible to create things when you're not miserable.

(i should mention that this little foray into my history wouldn't be possible without bluekaffee.  hat tip for that.)
i'm starting with the newest things (high school cool) because they are less embarrassing.  or maybe more embarrassing because they are more recent and i can't hide behind the general guise of the absolute hideousness of junior high. nothing recent, because that's just scary.

but don't let it break your heart.Edit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Mar 20, 2006 08:17:20 PM by kiss kiss bang bang

and we can smile but we just can't balance on the thin lines that divide us. you say you love me, but you could love my shadow and never know the difference. those are the difficulties that come
because your heart is filled with glass.

kiss goodnight
steel lips
and lead dreams
but please
no more wishing.
i can hear strangers talking.

i'll drive away someday
when it rains so hard
that we can't see each others faces
and i won't know you're crying.

take that look off your face.

you dress her in the finest silks
but kiss her with the saddest love
and love her with a fond frustration.
and if you’re going to cry at the table
take your suitcase to another hallway
but don’t blur your vision such that
you can’t see that
we were crying too.

you’re so rehearsed
and in every photo
you’re over exposed.

but don't let it break your heart.

to be of beasts.Edit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Sep 20, 2007 09:53:03 PM by kiss kiss bang bang

the faucets are leaking leaking leaking
but no one knows and no one's gonna fix it
still, theres got to be a smile that fits.
and with all the iron curtains spilling down
our hearts are spastic
and its hard to breathe
the leaded air.
all tears are fine print
even with the sky falling
and the pieces won't fit
because the world is

and the sparks from friction
they are the demons
but don't worry cause
your heart, like hell, will freeze over
(and you won't feel it if it breaks)
so you will know
you are of us.

while sadness still holds us.Edit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Feb 04, 2009 11:38:48 PM by kiss kiss bang bang

its a ruthless love that left us here.
they were all empty battles
but we can see now
that it was more of simple savagery
and my insatiable hunger
for anything like catastrophe.
aphrodite always cried with us
because it was all so broken.

but now.
now we can be tragedies.
with different lives and different chaos
and with simple soothsayers to remind us
how happy we'll be

but for now.
while sadness still holds us
just know
that i'll always have this sorry heart.

on this arrested love.Edit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Feb 19, 2007 11:37:33 PM by kiss kiss bang bang

its an odd inside-out love
with an unforgetable heartbreak
but its full circle
with icicle hearts and invisible tears
and nothing else to save us.

laughing eyes and quiet resignation
we were calm once
time was love's simple channel
but when it comes to love and betrayal
i just can't tell anymore
that patience is our enemy-

just wait before you laugh with us
but don't dare
don't you dare cry with us.

on the stoic systems of frozen tears.Edit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Jan 29, 2007 06:02:44 PM by kiss kiss bang bang

sixty minutes in counting.
our stoic smiles bear no boundries
but our hearts a different story;

if its a matter of control
then this sadness has a system
but when its time to cry-
when love is overdone
and smiling overrated
don't catch me if i fall
with a hard and heavy heart.

its an ironic two timed torture
with a one minute saviour
because the angels just won't cry.
just wait until we can wish
and then we'll lead another life
but for now we'll count the minutes.
and maybe in sixty minutes i'll smile
at how the last three years have been
the timeless romance of an almost broken heart.

this heart can't handle love.Edit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Jul 10, 2006 11:53:52 PM by kiss kiss bang bang

Maybe if we tore our homemade paper crowns
we could wade deeper.

And maybe we’re all false prophets,
since greed is in our hearts
but no matter if I loved you
from the stars or from my heart
each love as unkind as the next.
our love comes and goes
but it still helps to know
we were beautiful once.

and my silence is a golden
secret confession.

but since this heart can't handle love,
it will wallow

she cried for persephone.Edit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Aug 29, 2006 01:18:36 AM by kiss kiss bang bang

a.) our tears could turn the snow to ash
but we don't believe in fire
and if she cried for persephone
she could never fight off love
time could do so much
to sway our rotted dreams
and we all owe so much
that i can't pay off the interest
i just can't pay the-
interesting lives or poetic smiles
we're all going somewhere.

b.) even with all the greed of time
there's no contest
and never heart enough to commission smiles
but by the sun's luck and the stars in the right place,
life goes on.  life goes on.

when its time to weepEdit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Oct 04, 2006 08:50:29 PM by kiss kiss bang bang

higoodbye dine alone
only pick the damned roses
rinse and dry love but no dreams
will come of happy tears.

don't wade too deep.

but all in all,
you're my crutch and broken bones
so i guess i'll never heal.
when its time to weep
our tears will never cross our hearts
and hope to dye into a better sun.

and we all have little kingdoms
until our hearts collapse
but i can take it

thoughts on undisturbed livingEdit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Mar 27, 2011 04:22:50 PM by kiss kiss bang bang

there is something outside of me that feels like everything. this is the conspired happiness that sleeps in everything and descends with the inexplicable peace of snow, while cities groan and carry on.
and at the heart of all of this movement
i find myself

this is okay.
sadness is
is only an arrested world
with everything halted in a series of frames
nothing is deliberate.

so there is really nothing to be done except sit and wonder
when will it stop

this is from a mind stopped like a heart
(while the stubborn heart beats
with the streets and rhythms
it doesn't feel.

so try to understand
but also know
there is no truth in this.

a heart so white.Edit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Dec 23, 2006 11:41:42 PM by kiss kiss bang bang

with tears or smiles or broken hearts
time was soft then.
to wish alone 11:11
to love once and breakheartsmile just forget
so shame is still.

but of all the hearts around me
no heart so white
so these are sad and sorry men
we would give the world to be.
and when our hearts collapse
just try to remember
we are not heroes.

we will be calmEdit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Apr 19, 2006 12:24:14 AM by kiss kiss bang bang

heavy heart and weak my smile,
but if i am to stand alone
in the spray of a cold ocean
then i will stand
without grace or mercy
or anything else the tides will rob

and when i'm in comfort
i'll wait for the tide
to kiss the smile off my lips

and i'll listen for the undertoe
but for now
let's be patient

teacups and saucers.Edit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Dec 05, 2004 04:07:20 PM by kiss kiss bang bang

Tea cups and saucers are shaking across the table, but you don't take notice. You don't take notice that fragility is broken. You'd rather sit and read your paper drinking coffee from a mug and a side of platonic nothing to ensure that nothing goes wrong in your salacious attempts of sensualism. Lewd libido is not in my heart right now.
The books are falling from the bookshelf, and you're picking your favourites up.
Turbulence is on this plane to futility. It's a problematic clock and only I can hear the ticking. It's offbeat but it's something. It's something that's telling me that the feeling of my world at peace is a long ways away.

AnonymousEdit ] [ Tag ] [ Report ] [ Bookmark ]
Submitted: Mar 02, 2005 08:53:03 PM by kiss kiss bang bang

She loves herself but it's unrequited, and that's whats making everything double times the intangible. She can deny herself nothing tonight, and that's exactly what's bothering her. It has been awhile since things have gone wrong, but some battery keeps the antiquity rolling. Somewhere in the stratosphere someone said fault and she took it with her.
it'll never be the same, unless the times keep eroding the core.

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