Showing posts from November, 2012

an ode to your crazy ex-girlfriend

this is roughly my millionth time trying to write this blog post. i am not very good at estimating.  in any case i've kept writing it, posted it once or twice, getting some feedback and revamping.  the whole concept is just such a tight rigid knot of so many issues and insecurities.  it has been hard to pull  the one little thread i keep meaning to talk about, but slowly and surely i am wrapping my head around it.  so let us try again.
this idea first occurred to me in an english class.  we had just read and were discussing the story "a telephone call" by dorothy parker (read here: the story is about a woman waiting for a phone call from the guy she just slept with (she was a virgin), and as an unreliable narrator she reveals details which indicate that the guy proooobably won't be calling, and her relentless obsessing over trying to create scenarios to assuage her anxiety, the cl…

for sophie (with bellows and love)

you know what helps me when i am depressed?

especially this baby.

this is a poem for this baby, my little lovely cousin sophie.
because i love her more than anything and it is really just that simple.  also she loves me so it is all very validating.

for sophie (with bellows and love)
the world holds you
with complete delight-
time rocks you in reverence
and seconds and hours are prayers for you.

the world is new and
it sings and sighs in solar keys
and mountains hills and trees
are temples
with life for living.
you are the most beautiful melody
each note a psalm
and love your heart is one great balm
that soothes us.

honey you are pure life
your eyes pools of
deep genuflection
you find love for everything

and darling you love so truthfully.

three: my depression is a truth, not a battle

this is something that has always struck me as strange in the semantics and constructions around depression or any kind of serious illness.  the lines that people repeat over and over: she is battling with depression (or for others 'breast cancer', 'cancer', 'ms', etc) and even worse after someone has died, 'after a long battle with ___ she/he has passed away (...)'.  i mean, it's weird enough to have to conceive of the rest of my life as a battle, but for someone in the final stages of cancer who has to characterize the end of their life as a defeat... that has just always seemed really strange to me. only in the past year has the world these words create been really clear to me, and so i have conclusively decided that it is foolish.  my depression is not a battle.  

the dichotomy of victory and defeat creates an impossible world of both stigma and barriers.  i remember two summers ago i had the most horrible depressive episode in toronto and deci…